SOFT RIOT

I SHOT COLDPLAY

10 February 2012

Written after hearing way to much Coldplay on passing radio, a band I don’t really enjoy – especially when subjected to it against my will. No intent of actual violence was meant by this “poem”, I just thought it was funny.

I shot Coldplay from the bush on the hill
A laser guided rifle and a whole lot of will
Took five different shots and then the task was done
Frantic crowds flee behind Vodafone and O2 tents in the festival sun

I shot Coldplay from the open doors of the lift
Sort of like Valerie Solanas when Andy got sniffed
There was instant satisfaction but not sure about the mess
I’m sure Parlophone could smooth out that stress

I shot Coldplay disguised as a midget
Though the first shot missed through the arm of Chris’ faux military jacket
A second shot was fired – a success! – but it wasn’t from me
The odds must be high for those wishing to carry out the deed

I shot Coldplay but first heard the man out
Mr. Martin insisted they meant no malice to offend anyone
We laughed and shook hands and let down our guard
But I shot him anyway as I hold grudges hard

That song where the kids sing “Wa-ohhh wa-ohhhh”
I just had to get out and “go-ohhh go-ohhh”
A short time later Martin and co were taken out by a bus
I’d like to think the driver had kicked up a fuss

I shot Coldplay from the depths of a dream
If I hear “Yellow” one more time I think I might scream
Don’t look at me strange from the things that I say
Sit down, relax, it was all in my mind anyway

Just saying really…