Often in my daytime profession I am assigned with the task of creating florid and stately invitations for various entities in the high brow part of this fair city that is called Mayfair. There are many different kinds. Invites to art shows, invites to fashion launches, invites to elaborate dinners in historical manors fortified by lush green expansive grounds in exotic locations such as Somerset, Wiltshire, and Essex. You wouldn’t need much effort to deduce that a lot of the wording in these things are excessive. Team that up with the attentive presentation and you get a pretty pricey token: custom, textured papers / foiling / spot varnishes / metallic inks, etc. And just recently there came a request for only fifteen invites for a semi-casual luncheon — an invitation extended from a possibly bored person to a selection of acquaintances and friends from the west side “art scene”.
“Man, you could easily just call these fifteen people up and save a hell lotta time and money…”
Yes, it should seem so. Getting invites designed, selected with envelopes, and then sent via post for a lunch seems to most people such as myself a little pretentious, yet the idea of it is entertaining.
Hanging on this subject, I’ve decided to create a couple of my own mock invites below, but in more ludicrous contexts:
GREETINGS, MICHAEL!
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO
“LUNCH FANTASTIQUE!”
AN AFTERNOON OF CASUAL “STREET” DINING AT THE MILE END BRANCH OF PERFECT FRIED CHICKEN
This Thursday, January 28th at 3pm sharp
123 Mile End Road, London UK
Please place your reservation by telephone, fascimile, email, or text message.
T: 020 5555 5555 / F: 020 5555 5551 / E: chickenpostdrunksnackparty@mail.com
If you have dietary concerns please advise three hours prior to the event.
Yours Sincerely, Your Friend Jeffrey
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SARAH AND JAMES PRESENT AN EVENING OF GANJA MAGIC
CHRONIC SUPERNOVA!
February 5th @ 8pm sharp! Apartment 11, 345 Broadway Avenue
Come and sample new strains from our dealer Simon from Apartment 14A!
Hindu Kush / Silver Haze / Island Lady / White Queen
A small gathering of friends in our living room and hours of THC-induced antics! Potato based snacks, soda, and light comedic, television-based entertainment will be supplied.
Please RSVP at chronicsupernovaevenings@mail.com
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The above two examples are of course ridiculous exagerrations however I do find myself attracted to subtle absurdity and out-of-context formalities. Telling a friend you’d like to give them a “telephone call” or send them an “electronic mail later in the week” sounds odd but intriguing. Gain the upper hand in all situations with eloquence and good manners. I seem to recall a bit of information from years ago that Barry 7 of the now defunct electronic music group Add N To (X) advocating or being part of an organization that would subvert mainstream society by mastery and usage of those very traits. I wholeheartedly agree: the pen is mightier than the sword – the tongue as well. I think I’ll end this train of thought here…
In the end those fifteen invites ended up being created: swirling script fonts, textured card, high quality self-sealed envelopes — all for a casual lunch. I guess it reminds me of an old-fashioned formality somewhat lost in the general echelons of modern culture but I don’t think I’ll be cranking out invites in the post to my friends en masse anytime soon.